Suicide Awareness and the Risk of How Movie Depictions May Affect You
Looking at popular movies and TV shows and how they affected me.

Trigger Warning: Suicide, self-harm
Suicide is a topic I avoid a lot in my writing, which is ironic since itās the biggest inspiration behind my blog. Whenever I mention suicidal ideation or self-harm, I always fear it will trigger someone.
I never want to be the reason someone commits self-harm, but I think itās important to discuss suicidal feelings, especially since itās a big part of bipolar for many of us. September is also Suicide Prevention Awareness month, so I feel the need to put out something new on the subject.
So, here goes. This is tough, but Iām going to be as open as possible.
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Suicide and Me
To steal from AA: my name is Scott, and I have daily thoughts of suicide. Itās part of my life, every day. And is has been since I was 10 years old.
Most days, itās not the dark, āI have to end things nowā feeling, though Iāve been there several times. Most of the time, itās just a plan. The how to of my exit strategy. As strange as it may sound, I find comfort in it. When the noise in my head is too loud or social anxiety has me running for solitude, knowing that I could end things gives me a sense of peace.
If you donāt have bipolar disorder or another mental illness, you might fear for my safety, but thereās no reason to worry. I know quite a few people fighting bipolar, and many have told me they think about ending things just as often.
There are degrees of suicidal ideation ranging from having a passing thought to scheduling a time and place. You can conquer occasional passing thoughts, but the intense do-it-now feeling needs immediate emergency attention.
Suicide is never the right answer, but Iām realizing that many people, not just those with a diagnosed mental disorder, think about ending things. The reality of how common it is highlights why we need to talk about it.

Movies and TV Shows
Many movies and TV shows have approached the subject, some with great care and others with total disregard. Are movies making things worse? I think the answer depends on where you are mentally when you see it. A few movies caused me to spiral downward, but others gave me validation and hope.
What follows are a few movies and TV shows I watched specifically because they addressed suicide. Some films mentioned may contain subjects that offend you, so Iām not recommending any of these movies. Instead, these shows are now part of my story, so I want to share how they affected me.
Start Today!Itās My Party (1996)
One of the first movies I saw featuring suicide was not long after I found out I had bipolar disorder. A friend told me about this āreally powerful movie.ā He was right, but its power was far from the positive piece of art he expected it to be.
From IMDB, Itās My Party recap, āNick is nearing the end of a 3-year battle with AIDS and makes arrangements to die. He hosts a party to say goodbye to friends and family.ā
It sounds harmless enough, but when I saw it, I was just adjusting to the idea I had bipolar. My diagnosis directly resulted from an interrupted suicide attempt.
I cried for a week after I watched the movie. It was the wrong time for me to watch a movie about ending a life. My emotions were too raw and unprocessed. I knew the storyline for the movie, but seeing Nick take his exit and how others reacted brought too many emotions online. I didnāt want to know how my choices might affect others, but the movie put those thoughts front and center in a devastating way.
Girl Interrupted (1999)
Girl Interrupted came a few years later. My life with bipolar was stable, and I had an active social life again. Another friend had this movie at the top of her list, so one Friday night, we made chili and watched it.
The impact was soul crushing. The movie depictions made me obsess about self-harm, a habit I had mostly stopped but never talked about. The cruelness of Angelina Jolieās character reinforced all my worst fears about mental illness turning me into a monster. I had nightmares for months and my hands shook every time I saw a bottle of acetaminophen.
I donāt think this movie would be good for me even on my best days. Girl Interrupted shows the worst of mental illness in a harmful way. I will never watch it again.
Also Read: How To Cope With Bipolar Disorder in a New Season
13 Reasons Why (Season 1)
There are many reasons I donāt recommend 13 Reasons Why to others. From suicide and rape to school violence, the show highlights some of the worst parts of todayās world. Even so, Season 1 touched me in a way no other movie or TV show has.
The story is beautifully told even in its harsh trauma. Seeing Hannahās last days play out, knowing she missed the signs of how many people loved her, is an eye opener. Then, witnessing the way her death devastated so many others changed the way I thought about suicide. Seeing all sides of the story reminded me that we rarely know everything thatās going on around us.
Itās understandable why many parents wonāt let their kids watch the series, but I wish I had seen something similar when I was a teen. Throughout all of highschool, I thought I was the only one thinking about suicide every day and hiding terrible secrets. I imagine the series has helped many know they arenāt alone. And I hope the devastation Hannah left behind helps many choose to live.
The Hours
The first time I watched The Hours, I found it a bit chaotic, but it quickly became a part of me. Featuring stories of three women from three different time periods, The Hours had to be written and directed by people who understand mental illness from the inside.
All three women face suicide in their own way, each story showing the internal turmoil and heartache a person can hide inside. This is my go-to movie when I want to confront my worst suicidal feelings.
Why it comforts me, I canāt explain. Maybe itās the incredible soundtrack by Philip Glass or the way it portrays the chaos of a writerās life. Whatever it is, I always feel a little better after watching it.
Also Read: 11 Positive Ways to Help Someone Living with Bipolar Disorder
Dear Evan Hansen
I wasnāt going to watch Dear Evan Hansen. I didnāt think it would be a movie I would enjoy, but it only takes a few minutes to see why the role won Ben Platt a Tony for his on-stage portrayal.
Overall, Dear Evan Hansen moved me in a positive way. It reminded me life can get better and that you never know whose life youāre touching. While the parentās initial reaction to suicide is completely unrealistic, thatās not the point of the story. It is a musical after all, so itās not exactly the playground for realism.
The movie does an excellent job of showing how many fight mental illness but hide it behind a smile and a busy life. In Alanaās song, The Anonymous Ones, she sings, āThe parts we canāt tell, we carry them well, but that doesnāt mean theyāre not heavy.ā
Oh, man, how true!
So many of us keep our mental illnesses a secret. We hide our depression behind loud laughter and confront our anxiety by throwing ourselves into activities. We may hide our struggles, but it doesnāt make them any less of a burden.
A Million Little Things
A Million Little Things is my favorite series right now. The pilot episode is about the suicide of a man named John. His death radically alters the life of all who knew him, from his family to his closest friends. Itās a long look at how much damage one personās death can do.
A Million Little Things does a great job showing mental illness in action with Romeās character. Itās especially effective because it shows both his struggles as a man fighting depression and as a black man fighting cultural biases. It also shows how the impact of a death affects loved ones for years.

You Do You
Iām sure suicidal thoughts will continue to be part of my life until they cure bipolar. I hope that happens in my lifetime. Until then, itās another monster we have to fight, but itās one you can conquer.
Should you watch movies and TV shows featuring suicide? It depends on where your head is and how easily youāre triggered. Only you know you.
There have been times the subject has popped up unexpectedly in a movie I was watching and hit me hard in the wrong way. But there are also times I seek these kinds of stories to remind myself Iām not the only one fighting these awful thoughts. Itās also good to remember that suicide is a choice that affects a lot more than just your life.
I also think some of these films give insight to those who have never considered suicide. Especially if someone you love has a mental illness, you need to know the signs and how to help. The right story can give you a glimpse into a mind you might not otherwise understand.
When you have a mental illness, itās up to you to figure out what helps and what hurts. No matter where you stand on the issue, the most important thing is that you remember choosing life is always the right answer.
No matter how bad things get, they can improve. Life can get so much better, but you have to keep fighting to see it.
Until next time, keep fighting.
I watch true crime every now and again.. the last time I did I watched the first few episodes of a show called āDangerous Womenā.. one of the interviewees in the show was a former FBI Profiler, and she is SO horrible when describing women who deal with psychosis. I had to turn it off she was making me so angry.
The stigma and misconceptions created by television of mental illness should absolutely be looked at. People say awful things.
I agree, some portrayals are very damaging. It’s why I fight so hard to share my experiences with mental illness. Thanks for your comment. Keep fighting!