An Important Life Lesson From a Realty TV Show
How a reality television star can teach you to be happy with mental illness.

If youāve been following Speaking Bipolar for any length of time, you know Iām a bit of a TV addict. One of my favorite things to watch is Americaās Got Talent.
Generally, there isn’t any content on Americaās Got Talent to help you learn how to be happy with mental illness. However, in season 16 episode 2, one act touched me so deeply that it inspired this post.
The last act of the night was a beautiful young woman who calls herself Nightbirde when she sings. Sheās immediately captivating as soon as you see her, but her story and her original song will take your breath away.
Note: Thereās a link to her performance at the bottom of this post.
I know little about Nightbirde, AKA Jane Marczewski, but she shared in her interview how sheās actively fighting cancer. In fact, the cancer is in several vital organs, and she has only about a 2% chance of survival. If that isnāt enough to make you root for her, her attitude will soon win you over.
After her lovely song, āItās Okay,ā she made the statement that inspired post, āYou canāt wait until life isnāt hard anymore before you decide to be happy.ā Thereās a world of wisdom in those 14 words.

Choosing Happiness
Now before anyone thinks those words are toxic positivity coming your way, I want you to think with an open mind about what sheās saying.
Itās true, if youāre living with bipolar or even your garden-variety depression, happy thoughts canāt change your world, at least not on the worst days. If bipolar depression brings you to your darkest places, thereās no wishful thinking thatās going to drag you out of it. Depression is not a choice.
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However, I want you to take Nightbirdeās words in the way I heard them. Since I canāt read her mind, I canāt say for sure what she meant.
Choosing to be happy isnāt saying that every day will be wonderful. Instead, itās choosing what youāre going to focus on each day.
Bipolar disorder will blur your vision a lot of days, but on the better days you have some control over what you choose to focus on. Nightbirde focuses on what she can do, and her attitude is inspiring. In that sense, she is choosing happiness, and so can you.

Facing Reality
Nightbirde knows her chances for survival are low. In her after interview she said that, āat least two percent isnāt zero percent.ā That two percent is still a chance. She chooses to believe sheāll win her fight.
Truth be told, none of us know if we have a tomorrow. Any of us could go to sleep tonight and not wake up in the morning. Accidents and sudden catastrophic health events can take our life in an instant. Since thatās the reality we live with, itās important to create as much positive as possible. It’s the only way to be happy with mental illness.
Youāve read a lot of words here about gratitude, so I wonāt turn this into another gratitude post. If you want to read one, hereās a good one to read.
Instead, take some time over the next few days to think about your conscious thoughts. Are you devastated by your mental illness, or are you focused on the empathy itās given you? Are you thinking about how much of your life chronic illness has stolen, or do you realize the wisdom you now have that could help others?
Also Read: 12 Best Quotes For A Happy Life With Mental Illness
Learning the Lesson
Mental illness sucks. Adding a physical chronic illness makes it even worse.
Trust me, there have been lots of days Iāve stayed in bed all day. In fact, not long after I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I spent about five months in bed. I couldnāt function. I couldnāt leave the house. For weeks, I didnāt even take a shower. I know thatās disgusting, and it grosses me out to think about it, but there was no caring for myself in those excruciating days.
When the darkness finally dissipated, my mom talked me into going out into the world with her. We went to the grocery store and ran into one of my friends.
It had been many weeks since Iād shaved or had a haircut, and my weight had changed dramatically. When we saw my friend at the store, he didnāt even recognize me. I took his shock as another reason to feel devastated because of what mental illness was stealing from me.
As time passed, however, I realized I could use my experience to help others. My path to recovery would have been less crushing if Iād known I wasnāt the only one. Yet, the men I knew who struggled with their mental health chose not to talk about it. Instead, mental illness remained a forbidden subject, and I had to travel much of my journey alone. It made it harder to be happy with mental illness.

Being Brave
My mental illness downfall was harder to hide. You canāt stop working for five months without people noticing. You canāt stop showing up for daily life without red warning signs declaring something is seriously wrong. And when your weight changes 40 pounds in six months, it forces even the oblivious to take notice.
All of those facts added to the challenge of living again once my mental health stabilized.
But then an amazing thing happened. Someone I thought was the picture of mental health came to me one afternoon and told me how brave he thought I was.
That I might be brave seemed idiotic. In the end, the only reason I got the help I needed was because I plummeted to such a low point that I had to be confined to a psychiatric hospital. Had that fateful evening gone any differently, I wouldnāt have survived it. Thankfully, loving friends came to my rescue and placed me where I couldnāt hurt myself.
For my friend to tell me I was a brave for that experience was ludicrous. I wasnāt brave. I was a zoo animal that was forced to medicate.
My friend next told me heād been secretly coping with depression for years. He spent too many days thinking about ending it all, but didnāt feel like he could talk to anyone. He thought my willingness to talk about my mental health was amazing. My example encouraged him to seek the help he needed.
It was then that my attitude toward my illness started to change. I chose to look for the positives of having bipolar disorder. I was learning to be happy with mental illness.
Also Read: The Inspiration You Need To Never Give Up
Finding Positives
Now you may be thinking, āPositives? What positives?ā
The thing is, the overactive mind that comes with bipolar disorder has some benefits. For one, creativity seems to come easier to those of us with bipolar. In addition, we often feel things deeper. Something about the intense way we feel emotions makes us more conscious of what others are feeling. Itās a type of empathy thatās impossible to explain unless you experience it.
In addition, living every day with bipolar helps you realize what you see on the outside is no reflection of whatās going on inside. Laughing or crying doesnāt clearly show anything about what a personās really feeling. Knowing the chaos of thoughts flying through my brain made me want to look deeper into those around me. I became more invested in what they were really thinking and feeling. It made me a better friend.

Being Happy by Fighting On
In time, I learned I could be happy with mental illness. It was a choice I could make. No, not every day, but on a lot of days. I could choose what focused on. The racing thoughts could devastate me, or I could be grateful for the flowers outside my bedroom window. I could feel jailed because of social anxiety, or I could share my experience and help others to find validation for the fears they were secretly hiding. This shift of focus shaped me as a person and ultimately led to this blog.
You can make the same choice. You wonāt be successful every day. Some days are so dark that no light can penetrate the gloom. Fortunately, those days are the minority. So, on the better days choose to be happy. This choice can make all the difference.
If youāve not already seen it, I encourage you to take a few minutes to watch the video below. Let Nightbirdeās song and words inspire you. If youāre feeling a little lost right now, her song will remind you that youāre not alone. And thatās okay. It’s a journey to learn to be happy with mental illness. This video may be the best thing you watch today.
Until next time, keep fighting.
OMG! This performance was outstanding! So much wisdom in her words!
I loved it so much I had to share. Thanks for your comment.