Why You Need to Learn to Like Yourself
Simple solutions to help you learn to like yourself.
Quote of the Week
“If you donโt like someone, the way they hold their spoon will make you furious. If you do like them, they can turn their plate over in your lap, and you wonโt mind.” – Irving Becker
Another blogger I follow used this quote in her newsletter last week. Since I read it, I havenโt been able to get the quote out of my mind.
The other blogger used the quote as a catalyst for discussing our relationships with others. Yet, the words have just as much meaning when thinking about ourselves.
When you have a mental illness, itโs pretty common to dislike yourself. The voices in your head may tell you that you are no good, a failure, and that nobody loves you. Those beliefs only make things worse.
Why do you need to learn to like yourself? How can you learn to change the messages in your head? Does it matter what you think? This post will answer those questions and more.
Speaking Bipolar Positivity Club
Does It Matter What You Think?
Words have power, even when they are not spoken. Itโs the reason why our world is filled with advertising. From billboards to pop-up ads, words are everywhere.
There are many words that no one else hears. They are the ones you say to yourself, the ones you write in your journal.
Usually, we donโt think about those words because they are only uttered in our safe places. Those words, though, are just as powerful as any that are spoken.
Too often, your life can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself you canโt do something, and then you canโt. You tell yourself that you will fail, then most of the time you wonโt succeed.
Iโm no stranger to these words. The messages playing in my head are just as nasty. The morning starts with me telling myself that Iโm a failure, that I donโt succeed at anything, and that no one really wants to spend time with me.
Yes, I know that those words are false, at least to some extent. Still, those are the messages that resound in my head. That negative trend is something Iโm working to change because I know how important it is to learn to like yourself.
Also Read: 12 Best Quotes For A Happy Life With Mental Illness
How Do You Change Your Thoughts?
Hereโs a simple truth. Changing your thoughts is as easy as thinking differently. โUm, duh!โ youโre probably thinking, but it really is that simple.
I hate being identified by my illnesses. When I got tired of that being my only identity, I decided to just start telling everyone that I was โgoodโ whenever they asked. Most of the time, that response was inaccurate, but I still said it.
An interesting thing happened. In the weeks that followed, as I stuck to my guns and told everyone that I was โgood,โ I actually started to feel somewhat better. My health conditions didnโt go away, and my mental illness wasnโt cured, but I did feel a little bit better.
That taught me the value of putting an end to negative self-talk.
The same is true for you. The easiest way to change your life is to start by changing the things you tell yourself. Itโs the first step on your journey to learn to like yourself.
Thereโs no denying that itโs not an easy process. Likely, you have been telling yourself the same things for a while, possibly for decades. Still, that doesnโt mean that youโre unable to change the message starting today.

Why Do You Need to Change the Message?
Letโs go back to our opening quote. When talking about liking someone, I love the part, โthey can turn their plate over in your lap, and you wonโt mind.” How true that is!
When we love someone, say our partner or child, we find it easy to turn a blind eye to their mistakes. This blindness is especially true at the beginning of a relationship. Affection for someone makes our view or their actions different.
On the other hand, when someone already gets on our last nerve and then they do something irritating, it may send us into a tirade. This may be true even if they do the exact same thing as the person we love.
Now, take that thought process and think about yourself. If you donโt like yourself and make a big mistake, you will probably punish yourself severely. There may be no end to the awful things you tell yourself. Even a small transgression will then feel like an epic failure.
Switch that around, though, and everything changes. If you like yourself, youโre most inclined to offer yourself grace, just as you would to your child or mate. You can acknowledge the misstep, forgive yourself, and move forward.
You still made the same mistake, but your attitude towards yourself changes its implications. Thatโs the value you gain when you learn to like yourself.
Also Read: The Two Faces of Bipolar Disorder
Will It Happen Quickly?
Let me share a bit of my story. I am 47 years old. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 23. By that point in my life, I had already developed an entire belief system that lauded just how awful a person I was.
In my late twenties, I spent a lot of time in talk-therapy. It taught me new ways of thinking about and treating myself, but the old messages were still there. When I am tired or make mistakes, those negative cheerleaders are only too happy to rise from the ashes and start bashing me again.
My point is, twenty-four years later, I still havenโt mastered it. Iโm still learning to like myself.
Likely, you are quicker than me, so youโre process will go faster, but it wonโt happen overnight. You will have to put in the time and effort to change your messages, to learn to like yourself, and to be willing to start over every time you slip back into the old ways.
The effort is worth it. Yes, on far too many mornings, I still wake up with the โIโm a failureโ soundtrack playing in my head. Those words may always be with me.
However, the good news is, now they donโt control me. I know how to silence the false statements quicker and to stop the barrage before it devastates me.
Progress may feel slow, but you will get there. Keep trying.
Speaking Bipolar โ A Mental Illness TranslatorYour Assignment
This week, take a little time to think about the messages playing in your head. Whatโs your soundtrack? Is it accurate?
Itโs often helpful to write those thoughts down. Take a piece of paper, turn it sideways (landscape), and write your current messages on the left side of the page. Itโs okay if it takes a while or more than one piece of paper. Write them down, so you can see in tangible form what is going on inside your head.
Once that side of the page is done, now go down the right side of the page and write a better phrase you can tell yourself. Write an affirmation that will help you to learn to like yourself.
For instance, โIโm a failureโ can be changed to โI write words that have touched other people.โ
โNo one likes meโ can be altered to โFriend A always says how much she misses me.โ
Then, in the coming days and weeks, as those old voices start to play in your head, look at your paper and say the new sentence you wrote. Better yet, say the new message out loud. Tell those nagging voices they are wrong and combat them with the real truth.
Again, it will take some time, but it wonโt be long before you can feel the difference and learn to like yourself.
Learning to love yourself will not only change how you view yourself and your actions, but it will also affect how you care for yourself. Yes, both your mental and physical health can improve. The power for change is in your hands, so go find some paper and get to work.
Iโd love to hear about your progress. As you start to work this process, please come back to share your results in the comments below.
Until next time, keep fighting.

A quick poem before you go.
Great motivation..
Such an important talk! So many of us have to battle that negative self-talk, be it in the anxiety, depression, or more. I know I’ve struggled with self-criticism much of my life. While I don’t dig the idea of “fake it till you make it” (the mantra my therapist wanted me to use to get more friends by just pretending to like things and then after connecting with people…yeah she had no plan and I stopped seeing her) I totally understand the importance of shifting the mind out of the negativity, including telling myself that I AM good. “Why am I good?” often encourages me to remember the little blessings that aren’t so little after all, and that moment of perspective reminds me that yes, indeed, I am good. xxxxxxxxxx
Hope you’re good too!
Oh man, I could tell you some stories about therapy sessions. I had one therapist who cried during every one of my sessions. Needless to say, I didn’t see her for long.
I think writers by nature have a head full of negative voices. Or maybe it’s the head full of negative thoughts that drives us to be writers. In any case, I’m glad you found a way to be good. In my opinion, you are great. As always, thanks for visiting.
Oh, my deepest thanks, my friend! Hugs to you, and prayers this week is kind to you xxxxx
An excellent post Scott. I had a similiar theme the other day running about who do you put first your social media or you?
We must always put ourselves, our wellbeing and mental health first, but we must also learn to like and love ourselves and learn to be our own best friend firstly and foremostly ๐
You’re exactly right, and that’s why I’m sometimes missing for a day or two or six. Thanks again for sharing this post on your blog.
Welcome! ๐
Very important to love yourself and believe in you! ๐
So true. Thank you for visiting and commenting.