Putting the Bipolar Brain to Bed (or Trying to)
A fun look inside an overactive mind at bedtime.
There are lots of times the bipolar brain doesn’t want to shut off. Whole nights can go by just trying to get it to be quiet. The following is a (mostly) fictional and humorous representation of what might go through my brain on one of those nights.
Thoughts Inside My Head
Itās nearly midnight. If I go to sleep right now, I still have five hours to sleep.
Five hours. Thereās something about an energy product and five hours. I wonder if energy products work. Iāll likely never have to try one. My problem is going to sleep.
Sleep. Another five minutes has gone by. Five fewer minutes I have to sleep. I have to go to sleep.
I think Iām thirsty. Maybe a drink of water will help.
Ah, water. My throat feels well again.
Start Today!Remember that time I had a sore throat so bad I could barely breathe? That was awful. Where did I live then? I miss that house. Well, not everything.
I wonder where she is now. She made that house bad. The things she did.
Or was it my fault? Someone once said I ran her off. I donāt think so. Truth is I never even liked her, yet I was going to marry her.
Marriage. Why would anyone? Iām glad Iām single.

12:15
Still awake. Maybe Iām hungry. Chocolate would be good.
Yes, chocolate contains caffeine, but Iām not going to sleep anyway. Now, where did I hide the chocolate?
When I was little, there were chocolates shaped liked coins in gold wrappers given out around the holidays. I was always excited to get those chocolates, though they didnāt taste good.
This chocolate isnāt doing it either. Maybe I need something salty.
Chips? I love Pringles. Blast! The can is empty. Figures. There are pretzels. Iām not in the mood for pretzels.
Remember hot soft pretzels? There used to be a place in the mall that had a pizza pretzel. I always got pizza sauce on my clothes.
Clothes. Do I have a shirt pressed for tomorrow?
Wow, that light is bright. Yep, thereās a shirt hanging there, perfectly ironed. Yuck. I donāt like that shirt. Itās pink.
A little boy told me once that if I wanted to get married I needed a pink shirt. He said girls like guys in pink shirts. I bought the shirt. The wife never came. Maybe thatās a good thing.
She cheated on me. I hope sheās miserable somewhere. And alone.
12:35
I like this shirt better. Itās a little tight, but it has vertical stripes. Maybe Iāll look thinner.
Ah, another can of Pringles! Let the heavens rejoice! Why is it above the washing machine on the shelf? Is it old?
Who cares? Itās not empty. The chips taste okay. Mostly. Iāll eat the rest of them anyway.
Maybe I can sleep now.
Thereās light coming from somewhere. I think itās my phone. Itās an alert about another natural disaster.
I wonder what the weather will be like tomorrow. Oh look, itās going to snow where my sister lives.
Snow. I donāt miss shoveling. Or wet boots.
I should get a pair of dress boots. Suede? Probably not. Itās too hard to keep suede footwear looking good.
I really hate my shoes. When Iām making more money, Iām going to have a closet full of shoes. Yet, Iāll probably only wear one or two pair.
My closet is too full. I need to do that thing where you turn all the clothes hangers around and get rid of everything you havenāt worn in six months.
In six months Iāll be another year older. Iām getting old. I am old.

12:55
I think Iām thirsty again. Four hours left to sleep. This is pointless. Maybe some Friends on Netflix will put my mind to rest.
1:40
Those were two of my favorite episodes. I really like Paul Rudd as an actor. He was good in that Marvel movie. I didnāt care for the ending. I wonder if the franchise is really done with the Avengers.
Isnāt there a movie coming out based on that book? Whatās it called again? I need to read more. I donāt think I ever finished that book whatever itās called. I should see if I can find it on Amazon.
1:58
Three hours left to sleep. 182 minutes.
(Singing to the tune of 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall ā Scroll down if you donāt know the song.)
182 minutes to sleep
182 minutes
One goes by, youāre still awake
181 minutes to sleepā¦
Heres a link to the song if you’ve never heard it.
Iāll be worthless at work tomorrow. Itāll be a struggle just like school used to be.
I wonder if my first-grade teacher is still living. She hated me. I was mouthy, so I probably deserved it. Iāll never forget when she yelled at me in front of the class.
I should take a class. Creative writing would be cool. A masterclass. Or painting! Oil painting would be so cool.
The bathroom needs to be painted. I think it should be green this time.
Rachel Green. Maybe I should watch more Friends.
4:01
I think Iām finally sleepy. I should close my eyes instead of staring at the clock.
59 minutes. Maybe a power nap will be enough. It better be enough.
4:22
Nope. Closing my eyes didnāt work. Only 38 more minutes. I should just get up.
My head hurts now. I should take something. Maybe I should call off work, but then I might get fired. I canāt be without a job. I need my meds.
I hate taking medication. The insurance doesnāt pay for them anyway. I should stop taking them. Iām more creative off my meds.
Iām going to write a book. A series of books. A space opera!
I miss Battlestar Galactica. Someone should find a way to bring it back. Or Stargate. A Stargate reboot would be cool.
Richard Dean Anderson looked a little rough in Stargate Universe. That was a good show. I liked how they ended it, but it should have been given at least one more season. Or a wrap-up movie. I need closure. The characters were likable. Mostly.
I wonder what David Blue is doing now. I have seen him in anything for a while.
No, I think I want to wear the blue shirt today. Itās not ironed. I better get up.
5:00
My alarm is blaring from my phone in the bedroom. I really need to change the alarm ringtone.
I hate my life.
Keep fighting.

I felt like I was reading about myself! My mind works exactly like that all day long and all night!!!
I do wish it had an off switch lol. Thank you so much for your comment.
Yowza! I’ve had nights close to this, but not that bad. Hugs to you from Wisconsin!
This is me!
Yep, me too, and far too often. Thanks for stopping by!