An ER Visit Forced Me To Go Back in Time

illustration of a hospital room
A room can take you back in time | Image made with Canva AI by author

The white room had to be 65 F (18 C) degrees. It was so cool, even the doctor remarked how cold it was when he came in, but no one did anything to raise the temperature.

The coolness only added to my discomfort, but more than being concerned about the temperature, all I could think of was the last time I’d been in that room.

A week ago yesterday, my dad had another fall. At 86, every fall is catastrophic, but this one especially so.

My gut told me better, but my dad insisted he had little pain. He refused to go to a doctor, so I let myself believe the words he told me.

Wednesday night, he decided to help put away the groceries I picked up on my way home from work. Picking up a box, he screamed out in pain. Things were much worse than he was letting on.

Throughout Thursday, he continued to say he had little pain, so we believed him, but by midnight, he couldn’t hide it any longer. So, at 3:00 a.m. Thursday morning, I loaded him into the car and drove to the nearest emergency room.

I always hate going to this medical center because it was where I went way back in 1995 after the night I nearly gave up on life. It’s also the place they took my dear Lizzy after her accident. Her body laid there for hours until the funeral home came to pick her up.

It’s a small ER, but in all the years since, I’ve always managed to avoid the worst room. Then, Thursday morning, that’s the place the nurse led us.

In my mind, barely any time has passed since the awful days of 1995, but the room made me accept how long it’s been. The ER was brand new in 1995, everything white, shiny, and clean.

Back in the same room, I now counted all the scuff marks on the walls, a stain on the floor that looked like old blood, and a large swath of black mold in one of the light fixtures.

The patient room has faced the same ravages of time as I have. We were only in the room for a few hours, but it was enough to mess me up.

My dad has a burst vertebrae, which is just as awful as it sounds. So now, besides everything else we handle, we have a large back brace we have to keep him in. And let’s just say, he’s not a fan.

2024 Change Update

This week I maintained my weight, which is kind of amazing because I ate much more than I should have. I met my step goal most days, but my calorie and intermittent fasting goals both went out the window. I plan to do better this week.

Life often hits you in waves and the worst memories often resurface when you have the least strength to cope with them. The last several days were tough, but I’m still here. I made it through the dark events of my past, so I know I’ll survive reliving the memories.

Your past successes prove what you can do, and as you read this, you’ve already conquered 100 percent of the worst things that ever happened. Whatever you’re facing now, chances are great you’ll beat it, too.

Thank you for being part of the Speaking Bipolar Family. I hope you have a wonderful week.

Until next time, keep fighting.

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